I thought that it’s difficult too, but this is where the Metal element kicks in, because I discovered that once you let go- it’s a lot easier than we think it is.
Yes, live and let live, and sometimes, as it was in my case- live and let die, but in the sense that each has the right to choose how to live- and also how to die.

Once you let go, and you meet the person in front of you at the place he’s at, you are helping that person a great deal, which is what we wish to do in the first place.

And I won’t even begin to tell you how that makes you a better practitioner and person…

Once I did that with my father, I found that I was helping him on an emotional level a great deal more than before I heard about that concept.
Wish I was smart enough to do it sooner, but alas- better late than never. :)

Yael

Thank you for sharing your story. I definitely understand what you’re saying – it seems to be a recurring theme in what I’m learning.

It’s hard, though, to just sit with people where they are and come to them there rather than “helping” them to find the “right” way. It’s the same way with kids – you want so desperately for them to avoid your mistakes, to do things the “right” way, but in the end you just have to come to them where they are and be a good model and teach when you have teachable moments, but, ultimately – let them live their lives.

Thanks again,

e

My father died of cancer 4 years ago.
The road was a difficult one, as we were very close and in many ways very similar, we were also very different.

I think the most important thing I learned from being with him every single day of the way is to help him from where he stands, not from where I stand.
For example- I wanted to know everything about every single thing that happened with him- about the medication, the drugs, the surgeeis, the side effects.
I was the only one who asked the doctors “how long”.
My father never asked that, which completely surprised me.

I don’t know if he didn’t want to know, if he knew and didn’t need to ask or whatever.
I just know that if you want to help someone, you have to meet him on his end, and help from there, not from your own end.

Does that make sense?….

In the many cases that I have been part of, I find that to be true. When the patient has the support of loved ones, the process goes more smoothly.

Additionally I don’t think it can be stated enough that we need to recognize the fear the word cancer imparts (and the necessity of supporting the kidneys). It can be a class I minimally invasive cancer or it can be a highly invasive Class 4 level– hearing the word cancer is scary.

Finally, it’s being mindful of just what the patient needs and wants from me as a practitioner. They don’t usually come to me for a cure but for support in addition to other therapies. I try to listen very hard to learn exactly what they need to be “supported”. Some only want the physical symptoms of chemo alleviated. Some recognize a journey that they are on and enjoy having someone who can honor their process. Others who have a more advanced stage of cancer, just want someone to honor their desire for the best quality of life for as long as they can extend it.

e

I think that it’s a tricky situation, as a healer, to work with patients who have illnesses that can be fatal. Some of these patients are not going to make it, and often times, a big contributor to that not making it is that they have decided that they don’t want to.

I’m only in my first year of school here, but just from my personal experience, it seems like it can be hard to find the line between supporting life and supporting death. I can foresee that in my own situation, part of that challenge isn’t only going to come from losing someone, but also from the feelings of my own failure in my abilities. I think it can be hard to see where the line between grief and that feeling of failure is too, and that the stickiness of that can make the supporting decision even harder.

I guess that from those I’ve known to have cancer, everyone around them has seemed to know more than they do about their situation. It’s constantly pushed that they need to survive, and I think that in a lot of cases, that is the lesson that they are here to learn. However, in a lot of cases, letting go is important for them, and for us, both as friends and as healers.

Then allowing them to feel what they feel and not criticising them for it.

For some people they feel weird because with cancer they don’t feel sick.

Helping them find things that feel good to do.

Having information they can go to. Some people will want to know everything they can (others just want to be told what is the right thing to do to give them the best chance of healing).

A friend of mine had a cancer scare last year (melanoma – one of the most virulent and deadly forms of cancer). These ideas come from my reflection on their experience.