I’ve been struggling for the past couple of weeks. I’ve gone through the range of responses to my difficulty, mostly hovering in the realm of “just keep moving” which seems to work for me. The fact is that since I began Chinese medicine school at National College of Natural Medicine (NCNM) I’ve gone through periods of difficulty. Some of them come with warning – I am asked to interact directly with something challenging for me – but mostly they sneak up and don’t give much explanation as to their origins. This time has been one of those latter types. Finals week was hard. I mean, medical school is supposed to be hard, right? True, this finals week was particularly difficult. It reached deep and it wouldn’t let go, even with a very relaxing Spring break. But, somehow, this isn’t enough of an explanation for the kind of existential weirdness I’ve been experiencing.
Well, most of these things come on quickly and without much fanfare and leave much the same way. This time it broke open gently, slowly, and not all at once. In fact, there are some stubborn bits that refuse to go. But the breaking open has released some articles that I’m going to write all in one sitting and release over the week. They may represent something of a departure from my regular musings, but I hope they will be helpful to you nonetheless. The first, this one, is probably the most important for me to get out. So pay attention, will you? And let me know how it goes.
A short time ago, I was reading the Shambhala Sun,a wonderful Buddhist publication for anyone (not just Buddhists), and was struck by an article by noted Buddhist author Sylvia Boorstein. The article discusses the Divine Abodes, an element of the Buddhist explanation of reality that centers on particular states of consciousness that are (in part) an antidote to some pretty common negative emotional states of human beings. The Divine Abodes can be translated as (1) equanimity (2) impartial goodwill (3) spontaneous compassion and (4) genuine appreciation. The article discusses these states of consciousness in a very approachable manner and I learned a lot from it, but that wasn’t really moved me.
I was particularly interested in the simple explanation Boorstein gives of one of the primary insights of Buddhism. That is that situations, in and of themselves, have no inherent nature. My sitting in this coffee shop writing an article cannot, in a sense, MAKE me feel one way or another. I may have various reactions to being here (the basics being positive, negative and neutral) and those reactions are ok, but they can cause problems. For instance, if I enjoy it very much my clinging mind may start scheming to find a way to retain the experience and, knowing that I have to be somewhere in 45 minutes, I may begin to suffer the negative effects of knowing that this, too, shall pass. Boorstein talks in easy prose about her lived experience as a person observing her own reactions to various stimuli and finding equanimity within these situations. Equanimity allows us to experience all situations in such a way that we do not suffer from them, though we may still (of course) feel pain, pleasure or indifference in response to particular stimuli.
What does this have to do with Chinese medicine? Well, plenty. As I mulled over this article, I realized how important its insights are for students. In every educational program, we have classes that move us tremendously, others that we don’t really care one way or another about, and others that we actively dislike. When I am in a class that I love, I feel inspired and excited and I’m so reluctant to leave! This is particularly the case if I have a class that I don’t prefer soon afterwards. In fact, wonderful classes negatively impact my experience of classes that are less interesting to me. When I’m in a class I don’t prefer, I find myself not really taking in the information and – indeed – not even really being IN the class. I disconnect. I suffer in response to considering having to go to that class in the future. All of this dramatic running towards and running away serves no purpose but the stroking of my own ego – my steadfast resolve that I know what is good or valuable and what is bad or worthless. It detaches me from my lived experience and probably robs me of a great education.
So, I’ve begun trying to cultivate equanimity in class. When I say “try” I really just mean that whenever I notice my state moving in the direction of overt negativity, overt positivity or obvious indifference, I try to come back to being in that moment. What’s going on around me? What is my body sensing? What is the professor saying? Where is my breath? In this way, I had the best pharmacology class EVER today. The danger, of course, is that I become so interested in so many things that I don’t know what to focus on! :D But, there’s no rush and no aching need to spend every waking moment in pursuit of knowledge when my state is one of equanimity – so hopefully no danger there.
I realize I may not be communicating this absolutely clearly, but I hope the essence is coming across. I think this kind of state might be quite helpful in a clinical situation as well. It’s really just a variation on the old exclamation, “BE HERE NOW!” I’d be interested in hearing others’ thoughts in the comments.
Eric
Related posts:
- Five simple methods I use to take advantage of my time in Chinese medicine school
- Year of Sagely Living : Scholarship and study as a category of practice
- Compassion as the driving force of Classical Chinese Medicine practice
- Another scholar reviews his first month of Sagely Living
- Why should Chinese medicine students learn Western science?
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Eric,
Actually I think medical school should be a health promoting time of joy and ease – even as/when we work hard.
I’m not sure that situations have no inherent nature – a monotone in a lecturers voice will need to be made up for with good content if they aren’t just going to bore the socks off us.
Equanimity, when I do it, certainly improves my life. I think it is hugely important with clients, it gives us the space to be hospitable and listen.
I definitely disagree as to the nature of medical school, Evan, but that should come as no surprise. While I *DO* believe it can be healthful, I don’t think it should be easy. Almost all of the significant growth in my life has come as I approach, deal with, and ultimately transform difficult portions of my life. It’s always hard. It’s sometimes productive of a temporary glitch in my state of health. But it always yields beautiful results.
Re: inherent v not nature of situations — I suppose it just depends on one’s philosophical orientation whether this concept makes sense or not. To me, it does. I can be just as engaged with a monotone voice as any other voice – the difference is IN ME not outside of me. Your mileage may differ.
I think that’s just the kind of thing we can expec to see when we sit with patients in a state of equanimity – hospitability and openness to listening.
Thanks, Evan.
Eric
Hey,
I think one of the things that makes CM different than “regular” medical school is the fact that when you are so into it, something inside you changes. You can’t really talk about 5 Elements, Yin and Yang, Shen, Hun and so on without it striking a chord with you. You are almost forced to look inside yourself and notice things. Sometimes you discover things that you think are really cool, and sometimes you think that you’re not a very easy going person as you might have thought…..
I think it’s also true about herbs, in a different way though. But still, you have a certain herb you feel is more “you” than others and there’s a reason for it.
The fact that it affects you so, I think, is a good sign. It shows you care about what you’re studying.
I’m not trying to tell you “hey- embrace that feeling!!” :), but I am trying to tell you “just let it be”. It’s part of this whole thing.
Not to mention that finals are never too easy on the mind….
Yael
I find the same practice useful all the time as I parent – on one hand I miss my tiny baby. On the other hand I sometimes can’t wait for him to grow and be more independant. The way those two pull at me remind me how important it is to love him in the NOW – as he is chattery, whiny, teething, chuckling, and 19 months old.
I don’t know if I’m being coherent, but I really appreciated the thought in your post.
Hi Eric,
I enjoyed your post as it is an echo of the idea’s I heard this week listening to Katie Byron’s ‘A thousand names for joy’ in which Stephen Mitchell reads passages from the Tao te ching and she embellishes it with her experiences and approach. Both brought this idea of the impermanence of each moment to my mind. I think it is a difficult thing to do as the clinging to what we enjoy, want, think seems to be so natural and more supported by our culture’s individualism.
Your course sounds wonderful, very challenging. Keep up the good work.
Eric,
I really appreciate the depth of this post; you are pushing the boundaries even within yourself and talking about difficult things! How Great!
As we sit in classes together let’s keep reminding each other that every moment, though it may have no inherent nature, always provides us the perfect opportunity to grapple with our own minds’ attachment to what is good, what is bad, what is correct, what is wrong, what we like, what we dislike, etc, and remind each other to smile at this process….
Michael
Divine Abodes，在中文中被翻译为“神定”。在印度教经典薄伽梵歌中，这被称为“神定瑜伽”，一般分为九步。
中医CM，本质上是天地生一体的实践理论。它源于中国上古的医药传承，包含天地生一体的形而上和形而下。中医，有医家功。医家功，也可算是是禅定的一种。医家功，注重医道和医德，即所谓“道德”。这是中国文化一体性的理念核心。
按照佛教的说法，中国内地是佛教重要菩萨之一文殊菩萨所化之地。文殊菩萨的中国圣地，在山西五台山。山形为五座山，四座山以东西南北方向围绕中央之山。
五行，Wu Xing，在方位上也是匹配“东、南、西、北、中”。
在佛教发展的源流中，中国的最重要思想家、教育家孔夫子，被称为儒童菩萨（文殊菩萨）。孔夫子的重要思想成就，是整理了四书五经。其中有著名的段落：“大学之道在明明德，在亲民，在止于至善。知止而后有定，定而后能静，静而后能安，安而后能虑，虑而后能得。物有本末，事有终始，知所先后，则近道矣”。
非常感慨。在中国近代，孔夫子的学说被踩到脚底下有很多年了。近十年来，孔夫子的儒家学说又开始被传扬。所谓“和谐社会”，成为当今执政党的政治纲领。
上面Eric援引藏传佛教“香巴拉太阳”所述的禅定，在印度哲学中是很普遍的概念。在基督教或天主教中，“禅修”应该是被称为“灵修”。而在中国，禅定的文字，在孔夫子的学说中有原本的范本：
“大学之道在明明德，在亲民，在止于至善。知止而后有定，定而后能静，静而后能安，安而后能虑，虑而后能得。物有本末，事有终始，知所先后，则近道矣”
很有趣，在中文中“大学”两个字翻译成English,即“College”。
http://www.dfg.cn/gb/chtwh/ssjz/1-daxuejinghua.htm
This is a great post. I notice the impulse to sanctify my way of seeing or thinking (especially in relation to my husband!), and it never serves me well. Loving detachment is a more effective means of dealing with whatever emotional reaction I have in a given situation, which I agree is phenomenally neutral. As for the study of CM, Buddhism was considered one of the three philosophical jewels of China, exerting strong influences in ancient times along with Taoism and Confucianism. As an essentially interfaith and interphilosophical thinker, I see equanimity as a central tenet of all three. And I agree that equanimity is essential in the treatment room. It sets the stage for the moving meditation that is taking the pulse, feeling the meridians and points, and needling with intention.
Thanks For The Great Post
I am fan of Shambhala Sun,its a very good site. Even I am regular reader of this publication. its a good resource to learn Buddhism culture and mediation too.