It’s been hard for me to write lately. It’s mostly because when I look at my old entries, particularly those that got a lot of attention, they are nothing like what I think about and write about now. During my second year, and the summer after, I was really just reading and re-reading the material I got from my teachers and thinking about how it applies to life. The summer in particular was an experiment for me, simply to see if I could build a blog talking about Chinese medicine.
Well, I did. With some help from my friends – near and far.
I got an email from a reader recently who told me that he missed my more frequent posting. He wondered what happened to me. In our ensuing exchange, I got some valuable advice. This reader encouraged me to write about whatever it is that I’m working on because that’s what he’s always loved about reading Deepest Health – it’s about one man’s journey into the wild world that is Classical Chinese Medicine. Thanks, reader. You know who you are. It’s true that when I started this blog, I really wanted to dive into everyplace this medicine takes me – how the theory plays out in real life, how it opens into a million different directions, how it changes me – and my patients.
Who knows how I got off track. Let’s get on with it. Today, I’d like to talk about something that’s been on my mind for a couple of weeks as I go about my work stabilizing a new practice in the competitive market of Portland, Oregon.
As a new graduate in Chinese medicine, I had a few options open to me:
- Join an established practice. I had a few offers, but to be entirely frank, I knew I wanted to do my own thing with Amanda and whomever else shared our vision. I wouldn’t say I don’t “follow” well, but I just like to experiment, I like to be in control of a business, and it’s really one of the big reasons I ended up choosing this path.
- Go in with a bunch of peers to create a group practice. There were a couple of people who talked about this with me, but no one was serious – and all of those people have since gone on to do something else.
- Work in some kind of integrative health center or progressive hospital. Plenty of those in the Portland area, but it’s just not my thing. I think integrative medicine is a great field, and more power to those who are interested. It’s just not me.
- Work out some kind of residency or other kind of post-graduate education. While this sounded nice, and I’ve actually worked my way into something that looks a little like this, I really needed to start making money right away. I have an adolescent daughter and my partner has been (mostly) supporting us – including my harebrained adventures into blogging – for the last four years. Seems like it might be time for me to put in my hours.
- Get some other kind of job as I gradually work my way into a practice of some kind. Just not my style, folks.
- Do something other than practice – teach, for instance. I’m doing this, though on a very part time basis. I see myself as primarily a clinician, so gunning hard for teaching positions was never at the top of my list of things to do. However, I do like teaching and I feel incredibly grateful to be in the place I’m in now.
- Build a practice from nothing as quickly as possible with few resources. Yeah, I chose that path. :)
It hasn’t been all roses, but I’m fortunate to have an awesome business partner in my life partner, Amanda Barp. I’ve also been blessed to have a lot of help along the way – my internship with Mark Silver and Kate Williams of Heart of Business, the savvy and ever-present advice of NCNM teacher and local Chinese medicine practitioner David Berkshire and of course the friendship and inspiration of my friend and Watershed gift economy superstar, Brandt Stickley. I’ve also been teaching myself business skills since about my second year of CM school. Running this blog taught me a fair bit, in fact.
Not everyone is so lucky, I understand. But even with all of this help, I’ve struggled. Honestly, I expected nothing less. I mean, of course it takes a while to get a practice off the ground. That’s not really what I’m talking about. In fact, weirdly, it’s the fact that I’ve been so good at making this business work that has me perplexed. Seriously!
What’s shiny versus what’s necessary
In Cosmology and Symbolism class with Heiner, we learned a lot about sacrifice. About how the true virtue of Water is to go to the lowest place. About how the Heart is really about making itself small. About the virtue of doing all the dirty work and demanding none of the credit. I’ve always sort of been ok with that. Look, I’m an organized guy. I can hang with spreadsheets. I don’t mind researching legal and financial issues. I like brainstorming, and I like even more building those brainstorms into real action plans. Even more, I like tracking those actions and seeing they become reality. I don’t mind calling up utilities and haggling about charges.
In fact, today, with the help of Amanda, I gleefully entered all of my herbs into inventory tracking. Seriously. With Lot Numbers and vendor contact information and everything. I’m ok with doing these things – and when you start a new practice from the ground, there’s lots of these kinds of things to do. At least if you want to create a solid and steady plan for growth, expansion and reaching out to as many people as possible.
Thing is – these things aren’t shiny. They’re not sexy. They’re not mystical. They’re not the kinds of things that eager, seeking potential patients cozy up to. No one at this point is out in the community saying, “You know, you should really go see Eric Grey – he sure can wield a label maker like nobody’s business.” I mean, really, folks – it’s just not the stuff of Chinese Medicine legend. But – this is the kind of stuff that one must do to walk the path I’ve chosen. And of course, as I’ve mentioned, I don’t mind doing any of it.
Spending your time and speaking your truth
Part of what I’m thinking about is the way that I spend my time and how that can be instructive to others. I’m talking about my actual use of time, but also what I talk about and what I portray in my conversations (whether online or offline). The fact is that while I don’t mind doing these things, it’s not even anywhere close to my passion. It’s not what I bring to the table. It’s not what’s brought me success in the clinic. It’s not, truly, what I’ve been studying these last years. So, I’ve found myself thinking lately about the critical need to keep balance between indulging in my passion for our medicine, particularly herbs in all their glory, and the sort of fun and absolutely necessary grinding work of running a successful business in Portland.
This balance is important. Ridiculously important. Part of its importance has to do with sanity and purpose and all of that. If I don’t feed my need to grow as a scholar and clinician, I’ll get sad. Sad Eric is a terrible father, partner, needler and prescriber. Sad Eric eats waaaaaaaaay too many Newman’s Own Ginger Oh’s. This medicine, these plants, the interactions with patients – these feed my soul. But, also, there’s something about growing a practice. If my passion is underfed, I won’t show it to patients. It won’t come out in my interactions with people in the store. It won’t display on my Facebook status. Won’t come out on my blog. People won’t know who I really am, or who I really hope to be, or who I can help them to be. That’s equally important. So, this balance is important!
I figure I’m not the only one who has ever struggled with this. Funny thing about human experience – no matter how unique a single human thinks their experience, it’s usually pretty resonant with others’ – even in wildly different cultures, professions and demographics. So, I thought I would put this out there. Have you had this experience – or are you having it now? Have any thoughts about this balance and how it is best maintained? I’m working a plan, of course, and it seems to be helping – but let’s see what we can come up with together.
Share your thoughts in the comments. We don’t bite.
Tags: professional-development, cosmology, theory-to-practice, watershed community wellness, Business, erics-habits, watershed, Blogging
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
If you have your own business you need to balance the yucky side of things like adding inventory and stuff to the fun side. If you go the associate path (first or later on because you are sick of insurance companies) then you can just do the fun part–treating patients. I love being able to show up and treat and have very little worry about the business side of things. Sure, it’s me on facebook posting about Shendao–but I’ll be on Facebook anyway on my off time. Sure I maintain the website (and impatiently wait for more content) but I’ll be doing that sort of thing anyway.
The balance comes with finding those things that you find interesting and important with the fun part of treating patients. Anything that is just too much hassle can be delegated as you get good people around you. I suspect that although you don’t think inputing herbs into your database as sexy or exciting, you are enough of a computer guy to find that it is satisfying…
I found this a wonderfully honest blog entry.
Tx for sharing it w/ us.
Trying to establish myself as a practitioner of shiatsu, aromatherapy and do-in in a place where actually nobody knows me (too many travels maybe : what/who have I been running away from? I think you get the answer ;-), I find myself pretty well in your words.
Things appeared easier in the beginning where I tended to hang out in one or another extreme.
Now, I see that keeping in balance is the real challenge.
Extreme is SO EASY.
So was it a good choice I made in year 2000?
Am I fulfilling myself, my capacities, my needs & wishes?
Funny thing, these questions do not come up in my mind when I’m in a session with a customer.
At that point in time, I just be, or better: I let go.
Had to learn that the hard way.
That practicing is NOT about me, about my image (alone), about pouring out my wisdom onto an almost drowning customer.
It is more and more becoming a very sensitive art on “reaching” my customer, give him just what he needs in a for him comprehensible way.
Wow, every time I hit that button, that rocks.
And keeps me rocking. Better: working with myself, on myself, keeping up a routine (as boring as it might sound) on doing my do-in in the morning, my 5 tibetans during the day, a little mediation during whenever, until finally,
FINALLY I felt the sweet taste of exercising in the morning no more coz I have to, nope, I started liking it.
No more trying to bring myself to the edge, pushing myself, “must”, being gentle and yet firm with myself and these routines.
I call this balance (for now ;-) ).
Or: the middle way.
One step at a time.
Becoming patient.
Increasing self-awareness, consciousness.
Wishing you a “mild middle way” for this halloween WE
Hi Eric,
I can relate to your post. When I graduated in 2000 there was no where to go except start one’s own practice. There were no group practices to join, no wellness centers looking to hire acupuncturists; only no-fault jobs which hired acupuncturist for $35/hr to treat 50 patients a day in a few hour period of time. Lots of my friends and colleagues went down that path looking for the $. To me, it was selling my soul, so I instead struggled to build a practice. (Good thing b/c most of them got shut down for illegal practices.) At first, I rented a space a few days per week and saw 1-2 patients/ week. Eventually, that turned into 5 patients, 10 patients, 15 patients. This was in NYC. Two years in this was my patient volume. VERY frustrating.
After my son was born, I couldn’t bear the commute, so I opened up in New Jersey. Started again from scratch, saw a patient or two per week in my basement. After a little while at that, I rented space from another acupuncturist who was only using his space half time. I took the other half. Within a year I was seeing about 35 patients/ week. Still, though, I didn’t like sharing a space. I needed my own thing. An office to make my own, my personality, my values, etc. So, I left there and found a space that was 10x more than I could afford. Most people thought I was crazy. Couldn’t afford the mortgage, but didn’t care. Knew that it was the right move. Within a year I was seeing 60 patients/week. From there it only grew! For a while I was seeing 150 patients/week. This I stopped (after child 2 and 3) because it became too much! Again, it’s all about finding the balance and following what one thinks is right for oneself and one’s practice.
For the first few years I did everything. (Still do most things.) All the patient contact, phone calls, scheduling, finances/accounting/inventory/making herbs, etc. etc. I did eventually hire a full-time office manager who takes care of much of this now. But, I do find if I take a step back, often the practice suffers. Patients come to see us. They want us. So, it is incumbent on us to always maintain that level of personal care and attention to all facets of the business/practice. I spend tons of hours maintaining the business, checking up on what’s going on, which patients haven’t scheduled appointments, maintaining a presence on the web, adding the practice to directories, reviewing charts and formulas, herbs, etc.
The other side, as you mention, is how much time goes into studying, growing, pursuing expertise and excellence. A struggle I share. I spend some time every day studying. Many think I’m obsessive about it. But, like you, it’s my passion. Why spend all day treating patients if you’re not great at it, right? The balance is the tricky thing. Recently, I have been putting an extra effort into studies. To the point where some of my oversight on the practice diminished. And you know what? The patient volume, etc. diminished! The practice is a living, breathing entity. And like any relationship, it requires constant attention.
So, with all that, what’s my advice? It’s not that profound unfortunately. Just keep plugging away until you find the balance. And it will change constantly. As will your goals and what you want out of your practice/profession, etc. Don’t be afraid to tailor things accordingly!
Best of luck. And remember, it’s not possible for you to be anything but successful if you follow your passion. I think this is where many falter. They try to be too logical/practical and lose contact with what they know inside is best for them.
Ross
Bonnie : What’s funny and what maybe I didn’t convey quite enough is that I really don’t mind the “yucky” stuff. As you said, I’m enough of a computer guy (maybe that’s it) to find it satisfying. In fact, a whole part of the post that I deleted explained how I’ve sort of made a name for myself (at NCNM and elsewhere) as the person who does those things, does them well, and doesn’t mind a darn bit doing them. It’s just that this willingness and openness, I think, has created a place where others (and myself) don’t realize that those things aren’t what I’m truly excited about. Anyway – definitely I think the Associate path might work for some people much better than being at the helm of the business part.
Thanks for your comment!
Eric
PS: I don’t have to deal with insurance companies because I have a totally awesome person to whom I just quickly fax the details of my case and she deals with it from there, for a very low per-rate claim. Pretty cool!
Hi Eric,
I’ve been following your blog for a few months now, and as a 2nd year student at a Naturopathic College, it’s great to read updates on your journey. I also really benefit from reading the comments you receive. Just wanted to say thank you and let you know that as a student just going through school and will eventually have to face some of the trials you’ve gone through as an alternative health care provider, its great to hear someone else’s experience.
-Anthony
Ross,
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. It’s so good to hear the stories of others who have, apparently, gone through some of the same paces I am now going through. 150 patients a freaking week, man? That’s crazy! Wow! I’m not even sure I could do that, physically! :D
But what an important point about making the seemingly “crazy” move and seeing it pay off. I feel that way sometimes, that I’ve made a somewhat “crazy” move by just jumping straight in. But, I already see that it’s opening up into something great. Just gotta be patient.
And while your advice is in some ways basic, it is also probably the truest advice that I, or other people in my position, can get. It takes time to find the right balance, and it takes a lot of back and forth, a lot of feeling it out. The point, I guess, is just realizing there’s a balance to find in the first place.
And to go with what feels right.
Thanks again!
e
Anthony,
Thank you for your comment! I’m glad to hear that all of this is helpful to some. Good luck on your journey, and I hope you will come back and comment often. I am especially excited to interact with folks in different corners of the natural medicine universe.
Marcus,
Thank you for your fine comment. Like I mentioned in my reply to Ross, above, I am always so grateful to hear others’ experiences. It seems you DID make the right choice in 2000 and have done a lot of important internal work to get to a balanced place. I hope I can follow your example!
Eric
I really think that Ross has one of the most successful practices in America. And he managed to get it started even before having me as an inspiration! So you’ve got a leg up in that department. Great post, and it is my pleasure to be in the journey with you, my brother!
wa salam.
Eric the man is the compelling element of this blog – I SO could have told you that! Thanks for stepping out as the tech geek, productivity nerd, and hard-core self-cultivator you are. It’s exactly these things that played such a big influence on me coming to NCNM, and me wanting to start blogging myself (which I SWEAR is going to happen any day now…). Glad to see taking the plunge continues to pay off :)
Brandt and Jason –
Thank you both. It’s funny, because in some way you’re both here in part through the connections made via this site. Of course you both would have found your way here, but this funny medium has a way of accelerating and enforcing things. It’s strange, but beautiful, and I’m glad to be part of it.
To the future, gentlemen! Via the past!
e
Eric,
I am definitely here in the epicenter of the Classical Chinese Medicine Revolution thanks to this blog. It was indeed the blogosphere that brought us together, and I will never forget that. Indeed, Allah azzawajal is the best of planners, and He uses whatever means.
Jason: I, for one, am glad you chose NCNM!
Thank You for posting your thoughts and experiences thus far in your business and your passion. I, myself have also been pondering upon what my life would be like once I graduate and get in the thick of it. I’ve had businesses in the past and been part of several start – ups, and for sure know the difficulties of balancing ones life between what one loves to do, and in turn making a living of it.
From what I get from your post and everyones comments, I feel that the passion one has for what they do and why they do it, will continue to fuel the desires and direction in ones life in business. The comments and your post have all encouraged me to keep moving forward, keep my faith, and struggle joyfully, knowing that there are so many, even the evidently successful, that have and will experience what you experience.
Many blessings and thank you.
Howard
Good post.
I think it’s hard to strike a balance. After three years in my successful acupuncture practice, I still find myself stressing all of the time about money and time (time for myself, my family, my clinic, my prep work for teaching, etc).
I love my practice and learning about CM…but my true heart’s passion is my martial arts training. After a few years of building my practice – in the new year I will be making the room for two 2.5 hour training sessions per week. I have to…for my sanity.
It’s exactly like Sad Eric – except if I don’t train, I turn into a bear and that’s not good for me, my family, my friends, my kids, etc, etc!
I once had the same dilemma. What helped was a weekend retreat with just a pen and a notebook (a real notebook, not a computer), and I started writing how I wanted my life to be in the future, providing all the level of detail I could bear to write. I used a couple of years and five years out as an ample time for my decision to take effect.
After I was done, I realized that I could eliminate half of my options because they would not align with my notes about the future. It seems silly but I recently tried it again and ended up a couple of projects from my list, and helped me regain focus.
Good luck
Al –
That’s great advice. What’s interesting is that over the last couple of days I’ve done something very like that. The streamlining process is so important for a person like me who is interested in so many things, and has so many opportunities coming at me all the time. When I made my “list” I definitely found a bunch of things that didn’t belong in my plan.
Thanks for your comment!
Eric
Howard and CTK,
Sorry not to get back to you two on your comments. Busy lately! I really appreciate your taking the time to read my post. I wrote this post a few days ago, but reading comments from both of you reminded me of the importance of remembering my passion, and keeping balance. It’s funny how quickly that realization fades! :D
Eric
There is a difficult cuestion… the passion to help others and do what you want to do and the need of money…
There could be a balance betenn both aspects.
thanks for you blog, I find it very motivationasl(sorry for my poor english):P