This is my first weekly YODA update.

It was a tumultuous week, there’s no doubt about it.  I’ll be talking about the details on my personal blog and the Deepest Health forums, so won’t prattle on here.  However, I will provide a summary and the most important insights that have come from my work during this initial phase of the project.  Remember – the whole point of this thing is to see whether devoting myself to a rigorous program of study and self cultivation will result in my becoming a more effective practitioner of Chinese medicine.

There’s no doubt that my clinical practice changed for the better this week.  The reality is that the process was a long and winding road.  What I’ve noticed is that as I focus on really living up to the oath I took as a graduating Chinese medicine practitioner, I am aware of the many ways in which I have FAILED to live up to that oath.

Now, let’s be clear, I’m not berating myself for being a bad person.  I’m a good practitioner, my patients improve, I work hard.  I think that I just became aware of the degree of dedication, focus and commitment that is embedded in the oath, as well as most of the classical discussions of what it means to be a great physician.  I realized that if I can slide, I let myself slide.  I don’t find myself wholly engaged in the process of learning more about the human body, the planet, this medicine.

Becoming aware of that sent me on a bit of a voyage of discovery.  As I investigated, I fell in love with the medicine all over again. I became excited and moved to study, to work.  I ended up looking into some things I hadn’t looked into before.  This had a variety of consequences, but again, I won’t go into details here.  However, there is one important point that I wanted to bring up.  I know that the way that I will word it, as well as the content itself, will cause all kinds of problems.  That’s ok with me.

I found myself investigating a lot of more contemporary takes on self-cultivation and personal development philosophy.  I looked into more modern exercise programs, things like Integral theory and Evolutionary Enlightenment, contemporary philosophical works concerning the relative importance of physical, mental and spiritual work and so on.  All of these things have roots in ancient wisdom traditions, but are working to reinterpret those traditions and, in some way, combine them with more modern ways of looking at things.

I want to emphasize that, in principle, I have no problem with this. I think that a sort of dogmatic religious fervor settles over people like me sometimes.  By “people like me,” I mean people who consider themselves to be “Classically minded” in some way and who are studying a tradition deeply.  This fervor drives us to reject any modern retelling of our cherished stories and to have a hard time questioning any of the principles or conclusions of the tradition in question.  I can’t think of anything more damaging in my quest to be a great practitioner of this medicine.  So – attempts to look at the traditions I love from a new angle, to question their assumptions and outcomes – these are welcome.

But the questioning and retelling will be rejected if it doesn’t work any better than the original tradition.  As far as medicine is concerned, I need to see that a contemporary (or even just post Han dynasty) reworking actually helps patients get better, and more importantly, live more vital and engaged lives.  *I* need to see that in my own patients.  As far as self-cultivation is concerned, well that’s a little trickier.  The reality is that some things pass muster and some don’t.  It’s a gut-check kind of thing, I suppose.

For me, the self-cultivational theories and practices I was investigating just… didn’t work out.  They felt unnecessarily distancing, intellectual and sometimes self-gratifying.   They demanded that I embrace a  way of looking at the world that is actually something I spent a lot of time investigating and ultimately rejecting.  I was left thinking that sometimes progress for progress’ sake is regress.

Ultimately, I went back to the stable center where I have been living and thriving for years.  Rooted deeply in my practice of Qigong and basic meditation, reading closely classical Chinese texts like the Yijing and the Dao De Jing, and working closely on learning medicine.  Again, more about the details on those other sites I mentioned above.  However, I wanted to put this out there just to see if anyone resonates with what I’m saying.

Have you done a similar investigation?  Where did it leave you?  Disagree with what I’m saying here?  Let me know about it!

Tension between the modern and the ancient in self cultivation

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Here’s a quick listing of some of the best resources I found about Chinese medicine on the Internet this week.  Have other favorites?  Post them in the comments!

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1. Discussion of the use of electro-dermal testing (like MORA) on the Deepest Health forums
2. A fantastic article about ecology and Chinese medicine by Dr. Leon Hammer
3. Medigogy (formerly known as TCM TV, among other names) an online webinar company who have hosted diverse speakers on Chinese medicine including Heiner Fruehauf have now made their online archives free.  You just have to sign up for an account!  This is an incredible resource!
4. A recent book getting a lot of advance praise from people I trust is Pulse Diagnosis in Early Chinese Medicine: The Telling Touch (University of Cambridge Oriental Publications) — I haven’t read it yet, but Elizabeth Hsu is someone I trust to do a good job.  If you’re interested in pulse, it’s definitely worth a look.  If you can’t afford it yourself, get your nearest school’s library to carry it!
5. A recent interview with my mentor Arnaud Versluys is in the European Journal of Oriental Medicine – definitely worth a read.

Interesting Internet Intersections #2 : Electro dermal testing, ecology, pulse and more!

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I’m going to do something a little different this week and write something a bit more personal this week, something a bit more, well, extemporaneous. I’ve been working on being sick for the last couple of weeks and of course the day it comes to a head is the day I have an article that needs writing. So, I’m going to aim for a little less polish and a little more from the hip this time, and my apologies if it’s not the most pristine bit of prose you’ve ever read because, well, I’m a bit under the weather. It’s likely to be more questions than answers today, but for some reason I felt that rather than pontificating I needed to show the other side a bit. Here we go.

A collection of thoughts about being in practice.

1. It’s hard being a natural medicine practitioner when you’re relatively sickly. I’m a fairly good sized guy.When I was

born my mom’s OB/GYN declared I was going to play for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers when I grew up. (This was not a curse, I’m from Tampa.) You don’t really think “poor health, very deficient” when you look at me. However, I’m kinda sickly and I’ve kind of been that way my whole life, for reasons multifarious. I feel like I’ve come a long way in the last few years, but I still tend to be on the weak side, not able to do all that much in the way of physical activity, coming down with things a lot, etc. (When I moved in January, afterward I was sick until sometime mid March). The point here is that I frequently find myself (like today, for instance) in the middle of a diagnosis with a patient thinking “How exactly is this person supposed to believe in my ability to improve their health when, despite my best efforts, my own personal health is so poor?”

2. Treating chronic disease is an exercise in patience and frustration management. Chronic disease is what I look for, my preferred type of case. The really difficult, chronic, life-crippling stuff. This is because these are the patients I most want to help, whose lives would be the most changed by a positive result. Despite having the tools at my disposal to do just that and making observable progress, it’s still a very frustrating process. Sometimes these things really do take four or five years to pull off, and that with hitting a home run every week. Patients get frustrated and drop out, really committed patients have other disasters befall them or are being crippled by their Western treatment regimens, patients that are doing absolutely everything right still continue to suffer greatly in the process of improvement. Some days it’s hair-pulling. Some days it’s heart breaking. This is part of the acupuncturists life that they seemed to have missed in school.

3. Doing things in the right order takes a lot of faith and self-confidence. I have multiple patients who have some sort of chronic pain who, to my mind, are great examples of the Neijing maxim that “all pain, sores, and itching come from the Heart.” They have chronic pain that

is being directly or indirectly caused by upper jiao blockage due to emotional distress followed by a walling off of the psycho-emotional energies of the Heart and Lungs. In both cases a powerful resistance to dealing with the loss of loved ones is crippling circulation and leading to a variety of additional symptoms, like dysmenorrhea. However, it’s not the easiest thing in the world to be charging a pretty good sized sum of money to someone who has come to you for elbow pain which isn’t really getting better and having to tell them “look, we gotta keep focusing on that emotional blockage first in order to get to your pain, otherwise we’re just knocking our heads against the wall.” Is it the truth? Absolutely. Do I still kinda worry that it’s going to make me and every other acupuncturist alive look bad and one day she’ll stop coming in and tell her friends about what a waste it was and…you bet. After all, you can’t have a good neurosis without a lot of work.

4. Some days you feel like you did everything wrong, and yet everything right happens. I’ll never understand this one. You needled these two points and…just didn’t “feel it.” Like there was no real connection. You had to more or less guess on the formula and just kinda threw it out there, not really knowing what would happen. You were too beat to take a proper pulse and so had to work out what to do from other angles, and even then things didn’t seem right. You were sure that what you did was going to fail utterly. However, the next time you talk to the patient, they’re thrilled with the results. Go figure.

5. Some days you feel like you did everything right and the case barely budges. See #2

6. You really do have to get used to the idea that patients are frequently so closed off, out of touch with themselves/reality, and self-unaware that they have no idea what’s really wrong with them. Frequently they can’t even tell you if things are better or worse because they literally have no idea. See #3

7. The practices of other practitioners is going to make you really mad some days. You’re going to hear about people who are essentially running a health food store/supplement supply under the guise of a medical license for all the hawking of goods they do. They will practice lousy medicine, though their patients probably don’t realize it. They will have evolved into the Monte Hall model by force of necessity, because their actual CM acumen is so poor. So in order to survive, they will pull in every modality, every product, everything in existence into their practice and sell it all. Their practice will be bigger than yours, they will be making more money than you, their car/address will be nicer, they will be in the local magazines. They will still not know what they are doing, they will not be reaching the level of results our ancestors expect from us, however they will be feeding the consumer culture of our society, and that is why they will be doing well. You will know this, but it will still make you mad.

8. Your practice is going to make you really mad some days. You will find yourself saying “if this stuff is so great, if I’m practicing such a superior modality, if my herbs are such high quality, if I have it on absolute fact that I am doing what my patient needs when they need it, then why in the hell aren’t any of them completely cured? If my way is better, then why is it such a small operation? If I’m so great then why do I ride the bus instead of my Mercedes/Porsche/whatever? Why aren’t I better at treating emergency/acute/chronic/mystery/women’s/men’s/children’s/animals illnesses? Why do I have so few answers?”  Again, neurosis takes work.

9. All of these things will come and go along with this thought: man, this stuff is really great and I feel good. Yin transforms into Yang and Yang transforms into Yin. Good days, bad days, they’re all part of it it seems. I personally think that people who only have good days (residents of Portland notwithstanding) need psychological evaluation and a lie detector test. Just try to remember that when things are bad that soon it will turn around and that when things are good that you don’t have all the answers just yet.

Thoughts from the Front Line

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Hey everyone,

So – the Deepest Health redesign is well underway, though obviously you’re not seeing the results, yet.  I did a Yijing reading to help guide me, and through it the Universe made quite clear that a good deal of planning, gathering the troops and careful, thoughtful action is going to be necessary to make this thing work.  I think you’ll all be pleased with the results.  Well, most of you.

Anyway.  What can I say?  Stay tuned.

—

On another note…

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about the whole issue of charging money for what we do as acupuncturists, herbalists and other assorted healing types.  It’s through the compassionate work and ongoing friendship of Brandt Stickley that I keep having the opportunity to think through why I do what I do.  There’s a lot of people around me who feel that what they would like to do most of all is just give their work as a gift, asking for nothing in return.  This, it seems, eliminates the transactional aspect of contemporary healing practice – it is said that it improves the healing relationship and is good for everyone involved.

I have actually got a whole lot to say about this, but feel I need to work on my delivery before I release my thoughts to the world. What I can share is that I know a lot of Chinese medicine students and practitioners struggle with this question.  When we do decide to charge for our services (whether directly as healers, or as teachers, or in some other aspect of our work) we are confused about it, we don’t know what to do, we end up doing weird things with our pricing and many of us don’t make it.

I’m CERTAIN that, as with everything, there are a number of reasonable solutions to this problem. I don’t profess to have all the answers.  But I am interested in exploring the question.

If you’re also interested in exploring this question and your relationship to money, I can recommend an upcoming course.  Mark Silver of Heart of Business is about to teach his “Heart of Money” course again (aff link).  I took it last time he offered it, and I have to say that it was very helpful in my ongoing explorations.  To be entirely honest, I didn’t fully engage with the course, because it surfaced some uncomfortable issues I wasn’t quite ready to deal with.

Since the end of the course, I have reengaged with the material and found it to be tremendously helpful in teasing apart my competing feelings and thoughts about money and its place in the health professions.  I may not be entirely settled on any of these questions, but I am getting much, much better at working through stuff without shutting down, getting upset, wanting to sell everything and move to some remote area of China, and so on.  You hear me?

The course is taught in 8- 90 minute classes via teleconference (using your phone).  The system is very easy to use and the tech support from Heart of Business is first rate, so no worries there.  If you miss a class, you can also listen to the recordings which are chopped up into shorter audio tracks for ease of use.  You also get a bunch of support materials, assigned partners to help work through the course material (very helpful) and the unique opportunity to interact with Mark and ask him your business/money related questions.  It’s a pretty awesome deal.

It’s still in “early bird” pricing phase until May 20, so if you’re interested – now’s the time.  You save about $150 bucks if you get in now.  For those of you who haven’t taken a course like this, the price may seem out of your range – even with the discounts.  But I encourage you to read through the sales page, ask questions, and really consider if you think it could be of help in your journey.  As students of Chinese medicine, we pay a whole lot to learn our trade.  Yet few of us make the temporal or financial investments necessary to really figure out how to live in the world as practitioners of our calling.  I should note that Mark gives an option to pay the price in pieces, with no penalty for not being able to pay up front.

If you have any questions about the course, feel free to email me or to add them in the comments to this post.

Thanks for listening!

Eric

Do you have problems with the whole money thing?

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You can check it out here : https://www.healthstream.tv/, I was only recently alerted to it because Heiner Fruehauf told me he will be giving a free webinar through them on May 14, 2010.  I’ve never heard of them before, but it seems worth a look.  While many outlets have tried to host free video events about Chinese Medicine, I’ve rarely been impressed by the quality.  But with Heiner and another name I recognize, Z’ev Rosenberg, on the calendar – I’m willing to give it a try.

Have any of you had any experience with this site?  How do you feel about the video/webinar format in general?

Have you heard about “TCM TV”?

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The responses are in, tabulated, and have been considered.  Over the last several days, I’ve pondered those responses as well as my own thoughts, and believe I’ve got the rough outline of a very exciting path forward for Deepest Health.

I want to share some of the survey results with you. On the Internet, sometimes everything can become a bit disembodied.  One of the most interesting things for me in the survey was getting a sense for the real people behind the comments and emails.  While it doesn’t compare to meeting you all in person, it does require considerably less time in an airplane.

Look for a post tomorrow announcing the winner of the contest!

–

Demographics

–

Respondents were overwhelmingly from the US, with a smattering from other countries.  This is relatively unsurprising – though I should note I do get significant traffic from Australia, the UK, parts of east Asia.  But not everyone who reads answered the survey, of course.

The majority of respondents (42%) were students in their first formal Chinese medicine program. The next biggest group (26%)  was practitioners of Chinese medicine with 5 or less years of experience.  About 20% were interested members of the public – though some of those were lay practitioners of herbalism, or people with significant amounts of holistic healing experience.  There were a few people who counted themselves among the authors and publishers in Chinese medicine, and several practitioners with more than 5 years of experience (I’m humbled!)

Regarding the use of technology - most respondents did subscribe using RSS/feed readers, with slightly fewer than that subscribing by email.  I was heartened to hear that.  I was also surprised to see how many people use Facebook – maybe a Deepest Health outpost on Facebook is in our future?

Satisfaction and interests

Most people reported that Deepest Health met their needs for a site of its kind most of the time.  Phew!

People like written content, and there is a slight preference among respondents for articles broken up into several shorter pieces. This was unsurprising.  However, I was surprised at the strong showing for audio content – it seems people like the podcasts!  Folks were interested in video, too, but it was the least preferred type of content.

Forum: The majority of people thought they would participate in an online forum dedicated to discussions of Chinese medicine provided that:

1. The forums were active, with plenty of interesting discussion
2. The forums were places where diverse opinions were actively discussed and openly explored.  No shutting people down, yet real scholarly standards enforced by the community.
3. Many people mentioned that there should be some way to restrict access, even a very nominal fee, to keep “trolls” at bay.

I think these are all reasonable suggestions, and I will be working out the details concerning this in the coming weeks.

Many people were interested in some kind of more detailed, in depth paid content. I received a lot of great suggestions about how to make Deepest Health pay for itself.  I’ve already started to actively explore these, and hope to test various strategies over the next six months.  What I DO NOT want is for the paid content to replace the free content.  I also don’t want to make the site some endless advertisement.  In fact, once I am able to pay for the site and at least some of my time with revenue from the site, I will remove the Google ads entirely.  I think we’ll all agree that will be an improvement.

Finally, the results concerning topics was very interesting indeed. Looking back, I would have done the survey differently – making people rank between the various options.  I’m quite sure many people clicked “Very Interested In Seeing” on almost all the categories.  That’s great, but it didn’t quite give me usable direction.

What I did learn is what people overwhelmingly do NOT want.  Reflective/poetry pieces and other types of stories, news and reviews and report backs from conferences came in dead last among the choices.  Looking more carefully, I found the following 8 categories to be the most preferred among respondents:

1. Advanced information about diagnosis and treatment strategies
2. Advanced information about points and acupuncture
3. Advanced information about herbs and formulas
4. Basic information about points and herbs
5. Classical texts translations and discussion
6. Information about practitioner cultivation (Qigong, meditation)
7. Basic information about CM pathology and physiology
8. Case studies

This obviously reflects the student and early practitioner status of most of Deepest Health’s readers.  I was a little surprised about the “basic” information, as I figured people would consider that adequately handled by other websites.  Apparently, I was wrong.

Ultimately, the topics we cover here at Deepest Health will be guided by our own interests and passions, of course, but because we just LOVE CHINESE MEDICINE most any topic gets us excited to write.

And, yes, I did say us/we/our.  Stay tuned for announcements about some new faces here at Deepest Health.

All in all, the survey confirmed for me a lot of what I already knew.  I appreciated all the great comments from folks – and will take them all under advisement.  I hope that together, we will be able to build a vibrant community online for the research and discussion of Chinese medicine!

Deepest Health Survey Results : Forging a path into the future

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Hey everyone,

As my last post would suggest, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the future of Deepest Health. I realize that I need information to keep moving forward. First, I’d like to hear back from you, my loyal readers, about what you are interested in seeing on this site. I’m also interested in finding out more about you as a group of people! Who are you who continue to walk with me on this journey? To satisfy both curiosities, I’ve developed a reader survey!

Click here to take the Deepest Health reader survey

To encourage responses, I’m going to run a little contest.

I have some superfine Korean loose moxa and a set of Living Meridian acupuncture charts for the contest winner.

How to enter? The first question asks for demographic information – if you are interested in entering the contest, make sure your correct email address is entered. I will not put you on any list or sell your email address – I will use it ONLY to:

1. Notify you if you won the contest.

2. Contact you about your survey responses. The ONLY WAY I will contact you about your survey responses is if you specifically request it in the comments of one of the questions. Write something along the lines of, “I would like to talk to you further about this, please contact me by email.” Otherwise, I will not use your email for this purpose.

After a week, I will gather all of the emails onto slips of paper, put them in a hat, and draw one. I’ll then contact you to get your mailing address and to ask if I can inform the rest of DH’s readers about your glorious victory.

NOTE:  You do not have to enter the contest or provide your email address in order to take the survey. If you’re not interested in the contest, simply do not enter your email address.  Simple!  I still want to hear what you have to say!

Edit (4/5/2010 7pm PDT)- ANOTHER NOTE! YOU MUST COMPLETE THE REQUIRED QUESTIONS ON BOTH PAGES OF THE SURVEY TO BE ENTERED INTO THE CONTEST!  Thanks!

Edit (4/6/2010 5am PDT) – One more note : the survey was set up wrong in one of the last questions.  It’s fixed now.

Contest aside, I hope everyone participates. The feedback will really help me developing new content. If you have any problems with the survey, or any questions – please contact me in the comments to this post.

Thank you!

Deepest Health Reader Survey – LET US KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!

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Reviewing the last 50 or so posts I’ve made, I must admit to some irritation. The transition from school to “real life” hasn’t been always smooth, and Deepest Health content has suffered for that. I keep returning to a simple mantra – don’t overthink! I’ve tried some different methods to get the content flowing, and none of them have worked. It comes down to two simple truths. First, I’m busier than I was when I was in school. Second, I’ve not been focused on what I want this blog to become.

It’s quite a resource, Deepest Health, probably the most visited site for the discussion of Classical Chinese medicine. There are articles here on a bewildering array of topics and the quality of discussion around those articles has, typically, been high. Thus, abandoning it isn’t going to happen. I’ve thought about handing it over to others, but nobody seems willing to take up the reins. Today, doing a sort of life review/cleanup, I got to thinking about the site and then came across this:

http://numerousdrawings.blogspot.com/

It’s a blog where a guy (or maybe two) post a simple drawing, using the same very basic media, every day. Some of them are very nice, it’s clear that a lot of work went into them. Some are more haphazard – clearly done in a hurry. All are valuable. While I’m not going to start posting drawings, it did get me thinking.

I engage with Chinese medicine every single day. Some of those days are really big – like days where I observe Heiner Fruehauf in the clinic and come to some rather interesting conclusions. Others are small days, where the most CM oriented thing I do is glance at a scroll on the wall and contemplate Qi for a few minutes. Some days I have a lot of energy to create a lengthy several part post about Fuzi. Other days I end up with only five minutes to myself and nothing on my mind but being flat on my back in bed. It’s possible that anything I could produce on any of those days could be valuable to someone.

That’s the really, really weird thing about the Internet. These days, producing content for the perusal of strangers is a simple process. When I talk to people who don’t “get” blogging, or Twitter, or the Internet in general, they most often exclaim, “Yes! It’s easy to produce content! But who really wants to READ what I had for breakfast?” Ok, so maybe what you had for breakfast isn’t very interesting. But, as a vegan Chinese medicine practitioner – it’s possible that my hastily scribed reflections about my breakfast and how it relates to a patient, or the Fire element, or the slippery pulse could actually be of interest to someone. Weird, weird, weird.

But not that weird. Many of the twists and turns of my life have something to do with something I ran across by chance. A scribbled note left on the sidewalk. A book that I happen upon in the library. A letter from a friend. A spontaneous lecture in the student clinic hallway. An upside down flyer, hanging by one tack, left on the corkboard outside my favorite natural foods store. Now, many of those “chance” meetings come electronically. Not ALL of them, but certainly many. The blog I linked to above is one example.

Another thing… the quality of information available on the Internet about Chinese medicine is… not so great. There’s a lot of endless iteration of the same old information (here are some symptoms of Liver Qi stagnation, Fuzi is warm and toxic!), a fair number of terrible products and unethical business practices, and a whole lot of people saying things that are really just not true. It’s painful. I hurt to think about what people encounter when they search for simple information about Chinese medicine. Even more pain when I think about what they find if they’re looking for something deeper, something more substantiated, or something written/created with care.

So, I persist. But not at the level I would like. Part of that has just been me not committing to making it a priority. My family needs to eat, and I don’t make any money from this site. It just barely pays for itself. That’s ok, I guess. But, post-school, it’s certainly been a deterrent to taking any real action to move the blog forward.

What does all of this mean, and why am I writing yet another “meta” post about what the heck is going on with Deepest Health? Well, no reason. I’m just taking a page out of the blog referenced above. Maybe it’s interesting to someone. Maybe it will push someone’s mind in a fruitful direction. Maybe you’ll comment telling me what you think about blogging, Chinese medicine, and the importance of making quality information about our medicine available to the general public.

After I publish this post, I’m getting to work on a Deepest Health strategic plan. It’s probably going to mean things are going to change around here. It’s probably going to mean more content. It may involve a redesign. It will likely include the development of some products for sale and other ways to make blogging here sustainable for me. If any of those things sound bad to you, let me know – and let me know why.

Thanks!

Drawing simple things : reflections on blogging Chinese medicine

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